The Colour Story of Love

Forever She's been searching for the light of her black & white life
That which make her life more colourful, more vibrant, more lively
For so long She has seen the world in 2 colour; black & white, & has not bothered to look for the Rainbow
Maybe it was fear
Maybe it was hesitation
The end result
...
She was black & white as well

Hidden deep in the jungle branches of life was the Rainbow or Light She has been looking for
Accustomed to what She has known since the beginning of her life
She was too afraid to wander into those jungles
Conquering her fear & getting what She always has been dreaming of
When She got there the colors overwhelmed her
At first She was careful
With every type of wall She built against it
She tried her "best" not to let it in
Again, fear

However, that Rainbow was convinced that this was its calling
Or better yet an attraction to something bigger;
Such as love
This is where He should be
The more She pushed it away, although she so badly wanted Him
The more it resisted & continued forward
In the end She feel to her feet & has given in
Never has She ever regret it
In moments of irrational anger maybe
But never with her conscious mind
She loved the warmth of his heart
The depth of his reds
The horizon of his blues
The brightness of his yellows
The power of his brown
& the clarity of his whites
The green were the garnish to a beautiful tasty recipe
Like a human soul that has all its perfections which it self is full of imperfections

Life gathered all its strength to with stand against them
For there perfect combination & perfect alignment has made it the site of envy
The site of wish, hope & prayer
Never has it been able to grab hold of there partnership
Of their relationship & break it a single bit
But like everything in the world they had their palate differences which made them even greater together
Wind, rain, snow, floods & avalanches in the winters
Mud, dust, & deserts in the summers;
Tried to kill their natural habitat & their natural selection of each other

But alas, as time went by it was the only fact that was able to get through them
They parted but their connections where still there
Nevertheless, some evil must have taken advantage of the situation & has broken into the colorful spectrum
Filled with darkness disguised in a shiny coating that She never noticed
& finally that darkness broke in and destroyed an overwhelming part of what they had together
For months corruption took over their lives & they never came through
Until they both could not bare the manipulation of everything
Like a 2 year-old that has colored of a Van Gough painting

Realizing her mistake
She absorbed it with the Rainbow's help of course
For without that Rainbow, She can no longer live
Like 2 Siamese twin stuck together at birth
The coloring palates with gigantic strengths where revealed and together
They found the strength & the ability providing the way into another magnificent painting
Fixing those artistic mistakes
& then it was up to her to build a new one
Of course as every artist
She found enormous difficulty at first for She didn't know where & when to start

Light years in love-life went by
Finally She was convinced that the easiest way
Was to look inside her heart
& just say the words She has been afraid to say all throughout this
She did but in a timid purple colour
She finally took her florescent yellow & drew the words
I LOVE YOU TILL ETERNITY!
All over her heart, soul & face
& since then she has only been doing that
Loving the Rainbow that saved her life
& redrawing a creation that is meant to stay for death does it part

The Rainbow left for another rainy day
But She promised him & still does promise,
That no matter what,
No matter where they are
No matter how they end up
& no matter where they go
She will always love you & wait for you
Till another rainy day or another eternity
For you are her godsend & the love of her life..

Ish Liebe Dich my Rainbow! (M.A.S <3*)

Owning Hearts

How come everytime you do something it ends up being wrong
When the shadows of the night before have disappeared
Hidden from the glory of the sun's light
Trembling in fear of what is to come
You just find yourself standing next to nothing
Leaning on the branches of a tree called hate
A tree so old
The ancestors of those before us call home
It feeds on the heart's deepest desires of lust & greed
Lives underneath the bodies who have cercum to the poision that runs through their veins
Given to them by the deceatful mistress of the life they always wanted
Masacered by what they thought was right
Derived from the worng that has left a print
A mark
A scar
So deep, only the chosen ones can actually remember what had happened
To get them to a point where they can't not want to slit there throats wide open
Releasing all the words they have ever wanted to say
Showing the truth that lies beneath their severed lives
Exposing what they thought was better kept hidden
Secrets that erroded away their humanity
Removed all the proofs of the excitance of a human being
With a heart stil beating on its own
Not controled by any creature under the 7 skies
Proving the presence of a higher being awaiting your reply upon a prayer
The only true thing a person owns is his right to think & preceave
To contimplate all there is & hiding it in one's heart
That place in your heart where you run & hide to
You own your soul
Your heart
Your mind
Your thoughts
Preseving them in time
Allowing them to grow in the red field of blood that make up your time capsule in the shape of your own body
Rivers of red wine, wine through it like a mase
Feeding all that lies beside it
Owning something is a responsibility that should be given to very few people
Seldomly we find ourselves owning up to it
Showing that part of one's instincts
One's inner most being that gives out that aray of hope & love
A birth-right abandoned by most
Used to the advantage of very few people
Deserved by even less
You own your heart & your soul
But once given to someone else
You are never to get it back
You heart is your posention
Given once never taken back & given again
Pick its resting place wisely
As for thee
I have chosen the cage by which I have trapped my heart in
Which have proven nothing less than a Heaven
A Heaven of pure love & affection
For I have chosen you.. M.A.S. <3*

Burned From Desire

Desire is a word that describes what you are desperate to have & you really want
A word that reveals the other side of yourself
The side that you normally hide
To keep in your private place in you heart & soul
Where no one can touch or harm or pollute with their rutless words

Desire is a word that is never meant to exceed the limit of one's mind
To cross over into reality & become the tangible thing that you've been longing to have
Its a word that is condemed to the back alleys of your mind
A word that is a fanatcy itself
You enjoy its presence
You enjoy the secretiveness of its soul
Hiding it from the world and retiaing it to yourself for it you dream & what you & only you want
The actual task of hiding it and not revealing it to anyone is enjoyable
Where its fun to have a sneak into that special place
Whether its a person or a thing it is special to you
The thing that you pass the days for
The thing that makes you want to wake up in the morning for
The thing that motivates you to the better
You want to see whatever is your desire thrive in whatever is its field
You try to push it to the better
Even when almost all the time it never works
Your glad you got a sneak peak into its world
& you saw how things are much more brighter from that part of life

A hidden desire is what you are
A hidden secret that is forever lasting in my heart
The thing that made me go through the hardness of my days
Wiping my tears away

Desire is a secret
Held deep inside one's self

But what if that secret is out?
For all to see
& most to destroy
What if you had the option to reveal it to the world & prove your wanting of it
Or to just hide it deep in the complex structures of your heart & mind to rote till the end of the time?
Would you act according to your instinct?
Or do what the voice of reason says?
What if it got out & the cover by which you thought is protecting turned out to be the reflecting mirror of you heart?
Would run & hide?
Or would you walk into the eye of the storm with your head held up high knowing you are going to win the battle of the greats?
If you turn out victorious, will you continue with it & go along the road you've long waiting for?
Or will you leave what you thought is supremely special & has suddenly lost all of its glow?
& if you turn out defeated, will your wounds ever heal?
Will your ego & pride ever be the same again?
Will you be a coward & run from the truth?
Or will you lick & salt you wounds & stand tall?

Those questions are just part of what might go through your mind

My deepest desires were revealed
A desire i thought was shameful at first
One that i was really careful no one to know
& at the least bit feeling of doubt in anyone's heart
It would have been severed entirely by a ferse attack
Like a lioness on her cubs
That desire was the only thing that got me to pass through the days
Although I never spoke to that desire again for days & weeks
My dream came true to when I saw the Angel of my dreams
Smiling & answering my sour, bitter words
With sweet, warm complimentary phrases that were marked on my heart with a voice for me never to forget
They felt like a smooth stream of angleic tunes
Coming from a musical instrument that I have never heard of before
Something I have never thought to be real
Someone that never was meant to exist
Someone so surreal
I gave up looking for a very long time ago

The biggest fear was either to lose this desire or dream
By it becoming real
Or it would turn away once it reads the dark pages of my book
Another thing was my internal fear of anyone knowing that I had a desire such as thee
Someone that made me smile so often that it was clear to be more than a mere dream
Acceptance
Aproval
Physical things that should have meant nothing to me
However, they did
A fear that last for a long time
That I eventually overcame when our eyes met & the truth about things were revealed

& here I am
Standing in a hail strom
Standing firm on my ground
Holding my head up high
Screaming at the top of my lungs I LOVE YOU!
With no shame or fear what so ever
No one to knock me down off this mountain that I have chosen to climb with nothing but my heart & soul
Leaving my mind & reality as a reserve for certain areas on our bumpy road

Nevertheless, I have fallen
& I have fallen, oh, so deep
Days followed by weeks of betrayal followed after
& still falling
But as for every action there is an equal & oppostie reaction
My reaction was to reach out & grab hold of the only firm thing that I have
Which was you & our love

After months of struggle, here I am standing firm once again
Right by your side
Hold your hand & going through all of which you are going through
Together is how we are
Together is our state of mind
& together is our desire

Your love means the world to me Si Kashanir
& its only you that I have in my heart no matter what happens
You are the desire that I am not afraid of showing
With you I find my strength
& it with you I shall stand with no fear

Ich liebe dich Si Kashanir! <3*

A Lover's Definition (II)

A tribute to all those that have passed before me
A tribute for all who have fought my battles and came victorious
A loving heart that only keeps on giving
Wounded, hurt, in pain
But never letting go for what is worth fighting for
A heart that needs love
A heart asking for love
A heart misplaced in time
A heart that’s so brave, standing so tall
A heart found in misery and pain
Yet right besides it, a flower grows
A shining hope that feeds it continuously without the need for anyone
A soul carrying so much
A soul so pure it seems so surreal
A soul made of light
A soul needing more
A soul so seldom broken
A fighter with a spear, an arrow but no shield
Fearless, faithful and almighty
Not fitting into the world’s minute skies and galaxies
Not coping with all the darkness
But breaking the way into a new world
With only a ray of light
So strong, so enormous, so gentle, so sweet
No being can comprehend
No being can fight
Some fear, some love, but non hate
Enemies bow to
Alliances care for
Lovers die for
A king in every form
For all who has met the light
Can never forget it
Can never live a day without it
Without thinking of it
Wondering about it
Wishing for it
Needing it
Praying to have it
Can not ever see it
But only wish to feel it for all eternity
But non do
Only one heart can embrace it
Only one can love it
Only one can be with it
Can try rise to its level
Can try to be as divine as it
Only one heart can grow beautiful as it
Only one heart can see it
Only one can glow because of it
Only one can matter to it
Only one can not exist without it
That is the one that will never let that light go
Can not let a day pass without mentioning its name over and over in front of the cosmos
Establishing the fact that that light has all its affection and its devotion
And all its being under its command
And that light is exclusive to that particular heart
For no one can replace none of them
Different as the fingers on one’s hand
But fitting like a glove on it
Going along like no other
One can try on different gloves
However, only that glove perfectly fits
No other will match every curve on that hand
Every point, every inch
Even the colour
No other glove will ever fit as perfectly as it
No other heart will love that light as much or as close

& M.A.S.* you are the light of my heart.. <3

Questions I'll Never Have Answers to..

What can I do?
How should I act?
Why should I bother?
Why do people always ask the same God damn things over & over?
Why do they think it’s easy?
Why should they think it’s hard?
Why do we keep going back to the way we were in the past?
Is the only thing on our mind is the past?
Why is it this way?
Is life just another fairytale to end?
Is a human soul so easy manipulated?
Is it that simple to sell it out?
Is it fun to use others?
Is it just another way of losing one’s self so that we won’t feel anymore?
Am I alone in this world?
Will I always be?
Will I meet you again in hopes of falling in love all over again with you?
Will I accept you?
Will we agree?
Will we last?
Will you break my heart again?
Will your soul be a source excruciating pain?
Will it be my silver lining?
Will it be my comfort & pride?
Will it be another way of disgrace & humiliation to me?
Will you leave me for someone?
Will you leave me for me?
Will you leave me for the world?
Will you leave me for your life before me?
Will you leave me because someone says so?
Will you leave me in an unknown place where you have domination over me?
Will you leave me out in the blistering cold naked?
Will you cover me up with something?
Will you leave me in front of the world humiliating me?
Will you leave me in discrete afraid of people’s tongues saying something to hurt your pride?
Will hurt me?
Will you hurt me again like the times before, the ones I said & the ones I’ve hidden?
Will you break my heart again?
Will you kill my soul?
Will you murder my dreams?
Will I let you?
Will I let you feel free to roam in my heart & soul destroying what I have left?
Will you kill me with cold blood & cover up your crime with your name, reputation & pride?
Will you just defeat the strongest rebel single handed in secret behind her back?
Will you stab or shot me?
How many times?
Is it for the times I hurt you?
Is it for the times you felt guilty for being with me?
What is it for then?
Will I fall in love with another man that will make me forget you?
Will this new man satisfy more than you ever did?
Will he be less capable of pleasing me sexually but astonishingly phenomenal emotionally?
Will I strive for sexual pleasure?
Will I go on a shopping spree for a man who will love me for me, for my truth, for my past, for my future actions, for my situations with the people closest?
Will I find a man able to love me more than you ever did?
Will I not find him although he exists?
Will he not accept me?
Will I not be inviting for the growing bitterness you left me with is unbearable so I will forever hold a grudge against you?
Will I be handing on to your memory, comparing you to the next seeing that’s better at being by my side in the most difficult of times than you?
Will I never fall in love again?
Will I always be as bitter?
Will I end up dedicated to my job only?
Will I be a mother of three?
Will I not see past my sweet sixteen, perhaps not after my high school graduation or even now past this moment?
Will I see the twenties I never believed to exist?
Will I even see my children if any?
Will I change my determined decision of not having any children in the future?
Will I believe in other values than the ones I have?
Will people recognise me after my change is complete?
Will they know it’s the more improved version of me?
Will this transformation be complete when I leave this country?
Will it be when I leave next year?
Will it be when I show the people I live with who I really am?Will shock you?
Will it amaze you?
Will it please some & disapprove others?
Will I become an alcoholic, drug addict chain smoking prostitute?
Will I become an escort?
Will I have you as a client?
Will I become a Saint?
Will I please myself or my family?Will I be more of myself or will I be just another replica of my pain & anger you caused?
Will I be killed, murdered?
Will I die of old age?
Will I die of a disease?
Will I suffer when it happens?
Will I be free?
Will I go to heaven or hell?
Will I become a soft lady?
Will I become a tough ass bitch from the streets of Queens?
Will I become a foxy vixen?
Will I become promiscuous?
Will I turn gothic, in closing myself in a shell of regret?
Will I always blame myself for what happened 10 years ago, soon to become 11?
Will I turn it into a source of power & strength?
Will it become my salvation?
Will it become the only way to drag me down if all else fails?
Will it force me into a life of solitude?
Will my past come back to hunt me?
Will it aim at me alone?Will it hunt down the ones I love the most, if any only to destroy their lives?
Will I fight it?
Will I run?
Should I answer these questions on by one?
Should I even try?
Should I bother answering what I’ll never know?

Time..

Tonight I lay in my bed wandering into space
Just staring towards the ceiling
Imagining what might happen in the next few hours
The everlasting hours which never seem to diminish?
Waiting for the seconds & minutes to join together in a unique union which cause another element of time to be born; hours
Those hours are very delicate
They hold the fate of billions
The sudden changes in life
& might even hold the secrets of life that God has hidden beneath its dream of reality
In those few hours
A plague might occur
A sudden eclipse might happen without any scientist’s knowledge
A meteor shower might fall in front of the sight of a million lovers just gazing into the sky, hoping to end such a beautiful day in a magnificent way
Who knows what else?
The fate of all humanity might change in a split second; caused by the inauspicious decision of elderly men that have nothing to lose, only to watch the burial of their beloved sons
Hours are so magical & more unsuspected than what people usually think
It runs like the wind sometimes
However, at others it might move so slow that a person can feels each second passing through his body
Inch by inch
Passing like a blade that scars his heart & soul
They scar with no regrets
They scar with sheer & utter madness without going back
Shatter the lover’s soul when the other refuses to continue & needs TIME to think
Closes the door of opportunity for some who have tried to reach their big-shot interview on time but alas end up being kicked out on the grounds of unable to keep TIME
Time, time, time
What’s funny enough is that if you think about it you can’t actually live without it
It organizes all life
Even the lives of those who are too lazy or don’t give a damn about what to do with their wicked lives
Time controls every aspect of our lives
How many times in your plain daily life do you say the word TIME?
Have you ever noticed that it’s the center of our conversation on some important event, & you leave thinking ‘Thank God for the existence of TIME, because I would have died from their superficial talks & 1st grade discussions’

A Lover's Definition (I)

I’ve reached to a point in my life were I’m tired of following the thing that is most desired by everyone,
The thing that makes people go far & wide in search of it,
The thing that makes one create new numerous metamorphoses to fit into its requirements,
The thing that all those who have it indulge in it & treasure it,
The thing that all those who have lost it miss it & desire it,
The thing that should be the bases of a few things in life but ends up to be the destroyer rather than creator,
What it is, you may ask,
What can be so beautiful yet lethal?
What can make or break you?
What can possess a power over the masses, in such a way that it becomes the world’s most deadly weapon of all time?
What can be defining our lives in such a way that is quite astonishing to all those who abandon it in search of a greater well?
What can change the fate of many?
What can be so joyful yet so sad?
What can be all those things & more?
What could it be other than LOVE..

Love is more than just a feeling shared by two,
It’s a passion,
It’s an obsession,
It’s a means of life,
It’s a treasure desired by all & feared by none,
It’s an indulgence that triggers all your senses in such a way that one can’t help but claim possession of it,
It’s a stimulant that keeps you wide awake,
Alert for all those who come near your ‘’Lover’’…

What does that mean anyway?
‘’LOVER’’?
Someone to have & to hold,
Someone to make your life a bit more colourful,
Someone to take you high whenever you’re down,
Someone to carry you in between his arms & hold you so close that once you’ve touched his chest, you feel his heart beating in a way that reminds you of home,
Someone that makes you fly whenever you you’re down, whenever the world knocks you down, he lifts you up into the skies above,
Someone to share your heart, your soul, your love, your life, you achievements, your accomplishments, your happiness, your sadness, your everything,
Someone you can count on.
Someone you can turn to whenever you feel scared, whenever you feel alone,
Someone you can go different heights with,
Someone you can count & relay on, that whenever you need someone he’s there, whenever you’re on your own in the streets of life alone without any allays,
Someone who can make you happy when you’re sad,
Someone to be your heart & soul..

Welcome!

Hello this is Faith & welcome to my blog!

All of what you shall read & see in this blog is true.. All of which are my own expression of various things..

I hope you enjoy reading them as it was for me to write them & don't hesitate in leaving your comments or replies on my writing!

Thanks for checking it out!

Cheerz! :]