Owning Hearts

How come everytime you do something it ends up being wrong
When the shadows of the night before have disappeared
Hidden from the glory of the sun's light
Trembling in fear of what is to come
You just find yourself standing next to nothing
Leaning on the branches of a tree called hate
A tree so old
The ancestors of those before us call home
It feeds on the heart's deepest desires of lust & greed
Lives underneath the bodies who have cercum to the poision that runs through their veins
Given to them by the deceatful mistress of the life they always wanted
Masacered by what they thought was right
Derived from the worng that has left a print
A mark
A scar
So deep, only the chosen ones can actually remember what had happened
To get them to a point where they can't not want to slit there throats wide open
Releasing all the words they have ever wanted to say
Showing the truth that lies beneath their severed lives
Exposing what they thought was better kept hidden
Secrets that erroded away their humanity
Removed all the proofs of the excitance of a human being
With a heart stil beating on its own
Not controled by any creature under the 7 skies
Proving the presence of a higher being awaiting your reply upon a prayer
The only true thing a person owns is his right to think & preceave
To contimplate all there is & hiding it in one's heart
That place in your heart where you run & hide to
You own your soul
Your heart
Your mind
Your thoughts
Preseving them in time
Allowing them to grow in the red field of blood that make up your time capsule in the shape of your own body
Rivers of red wine, wine through it like a mase
Feeding all that lies beside it
Owning something is a responsibility that should be given to very few people
Seldomly we find ourselves owning up to it
Showing that part of one's instincts
One's inner most being that gives out that aray of hope & love
A birth-right abandoned by most
Used to the advantage of very few people
Deserved by even less
You own your heart & your soul
But once given to someone else
You are never to get it back
You heart is your posention
Given once never taken back & given again
Pick its resting place wisely
As for thee
I have chosen the cage by which I have trapped my heart in
Which have proven nothing less than a Heaven
A Heaven of pure love & affection
For I have chosen you.. M.A.S. <3*

Burned From Desire

Desire is a word that describes what you are desperate to have & you really want
A word that reveals the other side of yourself
The side that you normally hide
To keep in your private place in you heart & soul
Where no one can touch or harm or pollute with their rutless words

Desire is a word that is never meant to exceed the limit of one's mind
To cross over into reality & become the tangible thing that you've been longing to have
Its a word that is condemed to the back alleys of your mind
A word that is a fanatcy itself
You enjoy its presence
You enjoy the secretiveness of its soul
Hiding it from the world and retiaing it to yourself for it you dream & what you & only you want
The actual task of hiding it and not revealing it to anyone is enjoyable
Where its fun to have a sneak into that special place
Whether its a person or a thing it is special to you
The thing that you pass the days for
The thing that makes you want to wake up in the morning for
The thing that motivates you to the better
You want to see whatever is your desire thrive in whatever is its field
You try to push it to the better
Even when almost all the time it never works
Your glad you got a sneak peak into its world
& you saw how things are much more brighter from that part of life

A hidden desire is what you are
A hidden secret that is forever lasting in my heart
The thing that made me go through the hardness of my days
Wiping my tears away

Desire is a secret
Held deep inside one's self

But what if that secret is out?
For all to see
& most to destroy
What if you had the option to reveal it to the world & prove your wanting of it
Or to just hide it deep in the complex structures of your heart & mind to rote till the end of the time?
Would you act according to your instinct?
Or do what the voice of reason says?
What if it got out & the cover by which you thought is protecting turned out to be the reflecting mirror of you heart?
Would run & hide?
Or would you walk into the eye of the storm with your head held up high knowing you are going to win the battle of the greats?
If you turn out victorious, will you continue with it & go along the road you've long waiting for?
Or will you leave what you thought is supremely special & has suddenly lost all of its glow?
& if you turn out defeated, will your wounds ever heal?
Will your ego & pride ever be the same again?
Will you be a coward & run from the truth?
Or will you lick & salt you wounds & stand tall?

Those questions are just part of what might go through your mind

My deepest desires were revealed
A desire i thought was shameful at first
One that i was really careful no one to know
& at the least bit feeling of doubt in anyone's heart
It would have been severed entirely by a ferse attack
Like a lioness on her cubs
That desire was the only thing that got me to pass through the days
Although I never spoke to that desire again for days & weeks
My dream came true to when I saw the Angel of my dreams
Smiling & answering my sour, bitter words
With sweet, warm complimentary phrases that were marked on my heart with a voice for me never to forget
They felt like a smooth stream of angleic tunes
Coming from a musical instrument that I have never heard of before
Something I have never thought to be real
Someone that never was meant to exist
Someone so surreal
I gave up looking for a very long time ago

The biggest fear was either to lose this desire or dream
By it becoming real
Or it would turn away once it reads the dark pages of my book
Another thing was my internal fear of anyone knowing that I had a desire such as thee
Someone that made me smile so often that it was clear to be more than a mere dream
Acceptance
Aproval
Physical things that should have meant nothing to me
However, they did
A fear that last for a long time
That I eventually overcame when our eyes met & the truth about things were revealed

& here I am
Standing in a hail strom
Standing firm on my ground
Holding my head up high
Screaming at the top of my lungs I LOVE YOU!
With no shame or fear what so ever
No one to knock me down off this mountain that I have chosen to climb with nothing but my heart & soul
Leaving my mind & reality as a reserve for certain areas on our bumpy road

Nevertheless, I have fallen
& I have fallen, oh, so deep
Days followed by weeks of betrayal followed after
& still falling
But as for every action there is an equal & oppostie reaction
My reaction was to reach out & grab hold of the only firm thing that I have
Which was you & our love

After months of struggle, here I am standing firm once again
Right by your side
Hold your hand & going through all of which you are going through
Together is how we are
Together is our state of mind
& together is our desire

Your love means the world to me Si Kashanir
& its only you that I have in my heart no matter what happens
You are the desire that I am not afraid of showing
With you I find my strength
& it with you I shall stand with no fear

Ich liebe dich Si Kashanir! <3*